Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Few Quick Thoughts On Last Night's GOP Debate

1. The Republican Base is Insane—In a country drowning in debt with unemployment hovering close to double digits and two full-scale wars going on (Not to mention a couple of little baby wars we’re helping to finance), the biggest applause break came when Matt Laur mentioned to Governor Perry that Texas had the most executions of any state in the nation. They weren’t applauding that a moderator had the nerve to ask a difficult question, they were applauding how many times a guy who they think should run the country signed off on the government ending someone’s life.

The second biggest applause line? Newt Gingrich saying that we should make English the official language of the United States. Apparently this will help create jobs because after he passes that law he will have to hire millions of agents all over the country to erase, cover up, and delete anything written in Spanish.

2. Despite what he says, Governor Perry believes in global warming—Rick Perry spent a full minute trying to equate those who don’t believe in global warming to Galileo, who had the brilliance and the testicular fortitude to say what was unpopular with the status quo. He then followed this up by bragging about how much he has helped clean up the air pollution and greenhouse gasses in Texas.
So to recap: “Air pollution doesn’t do any harm to the environment, but check out how much of it I cleaned up.”

3. The hardest part about being Mitt Romney’s debate coach is breaking him of the habit of starting every sentence with “Look, these assholes have no idea what they’re talking about.”—I have no real proof of this, but he looks like I guy that would call everyone else an asshole. The sad part is that he’s right and he’s probably the only guy on that stage who would not be an embarrassment as POTUS but he will never make it out of the Republican Primary because 1) He’s a Mormon and 2) He told the Tea Party that he believes in most of what they’re talking about but he won’t fully commit to joining the movement which, to them, is the equivalent of telling them he just slept with their mothers and he made sure she didn’t climax.

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