30 Sketches in 30 Days--#5 "Funny Guy at the Party"

EXT. OUTISDE A COMEDY CLUB

DENNIS is smoking a cigarette after a show. PHIL, one of his
few friends who is not a comedian walks out and joins him for
a smoke.

PHIL
Great set tonight man.

DENNIS
Thanks man. And thanks for coming
down tonight, it was awesome
getting a chance to see you. It's
been too long. We should grab some
night when I don't have a show.

PHIL
Yeah man, that'd be cool.

Phil and Dennis stand their smoking in silence, not sure if
the conversation is over.

PHIL (CONT'D)
Hey, my roommate is having a party,
you should come by.

DENNIS
I dunno. I mean I'm kind of tired
and I don't really know any of
those guys.

PHIL
C'mon man. It'll be fun. My
roommate's in med school so it's
not like it's going to be a crazy
party or anything, just a few
people hanging out with some good
beer.

DENNIS
I dunno, I just hate going to those
things because everyone wants to
tell me jokes or wants me to do
something funny.

PHIL
I won't even tell anyone you're a
comedian. Plus the girls they
bring around are surprisingly hot.

Dennis kind of shrugs his shoulders and tries to think of a
reason not to go to the party.

PHIL (CONT'D)
Come on, man. I haven't seen you
in like two years. Just stay for a
beer.

DENNIS
Alright man. I'll come by for a
beer or two.

CUT TO:



INT. HOUSE

A large house party is going. It's basically like a frat
party but with people in their late 20s and early 30s.
People are playing beer pong, flip cup and a group of guys
are doing keg stands. Phil and Dennis walk in. Dennis
immediately regrets his decision to come to the party.
Dennis' roommate HANK drunkenly greets him at the door
holding a beer funnel and a can of Milwaukee's Best.

HANK
Phil! You gotta catch up!

Hank pours the beer into the funnel and hands it to Phil who
quickly downs the beer and then chest bumps Hank.

PHIL
WOOOO! Hey, this is my boy Dennis
from college.

HANK
Wait. Is this the comedian?

Dennis sheepishly nods his head.

HANK (CONT'D)
Oh shit! We got a famous comedian
at the party everybody!

Dennis tries to fake a smile while and a wave while the party
goers cheer the news.

DENNIS
Well I'm not famous or anything

HANK
Fuck that, man. I hear you opened
for Louis CK.

DENNIS
It was Louis Anderson.

HANK
Whatever man, let's get you a beer
go introduce you to some bitches.

Hank leads Dennis away. Dennis looks back at Phil the way a
kidegartner looks at his mommy when they drop them off at the
first day of school.

CUT TO:

Dennis in a conversation with a couple girls. He looks very
uncomfortable.

GIRL 1
So you're a comedian? I love Dane
Cook

GIRL 2
And that guy with the puppets?
What's his name?

DENNIS
Jeff Dunham.

GIRL 2
Yeah. You ever get to do any shows
with him? I bet he's hilarious off
stage.

CUT TO:

Dennis in a conversation with another guy at the party.

GUY 1
I bet you have so many jokes about
that Anthony Weiner guy. I mean,
his name is Weiner! That's gotta
be a gift from the gods to
comedians.

CUT TO:

Dennis grabbing a beer from the refrigerator the same time as
another guy.

GUY 2
A beer in the hand is worth two in
the bush!

DENNIS
What?

GUY 2
Feel free to use that in one of
your bits.

DENNIS
Uh, thanks.

CUT TO:

Dennis steps outside for a smoke and is all alone until
another guy steps out to join him in a smoke.

GUY 3
Hey what's up man.

DENNIS
Hey.

GUY 3
You're that comedian guy, right?

Dennis braces himself for another terrible conversation.

DENNIS
Yeah, that's me.

GUY 3
Cool man. You know Joe Fullman?
Usually performs in South Jersey.
I used to go to school with him.

Dennis perks up, happy that the guy seems somewhat sane and
actually has something to talk about.

DENNIS
Yeah, I've just did his room in
Marlton. Joe's a good guy. Funny,
too.

GUY 3
Yeah man, he was gonna come tonight
but last time he was here everyone
just kept asking him stupid
questions.

DENNIS
That's why I'm out here.

They both laugh.

GUY 3
Yeah man I hate these guys. I'm
just here because my girlfriend is
friends with Hank's girlfriend.

DENNIS
You'd think these guys had never
met anyone who was doing something
other than trying to become a
doctor or lawyer.

GUY 3
Yeah, they suck. I know how from
Joe how much you guys hate all
those dumb questions or suggestions
for your act.

DENNIS
Yeah.

GUY 3
So, since you're a comedian, you
know where we could get some coke?

Dennis rolls his eyes realizing that the coolest guy at the
party is still a douche.

CUT TO:

Dennis and Guy 3 doing coke off a coffee table.

GUY 3 (CONT'D)
Seriously man, I love Dane Cook.

END